I'll keep you company

Coaching is simple.

I’ll tell you what it’s not first, because there’s a lot of confusion out there, so let’s clear that up.

Coaching is not consulting.

Coaching is not therapy.

Coaching is not a great conversation.

Coaching is not teaching.

Coaching is not mentoring.

Coaching is not training.

Coaching is not advice.

Coaching is not guiding.

A trained coach can coach anybody, in any niche, with any problem. Because coaching is not about the coach having the answers. It’s about helping the client find their own.

The confusion gets worse because coaches have to market themselves somehow. We have to figure out how to find clients. So most coaches end up talking about specific problems, industries, or outcomes. They might specialize in leadership, career transitions, communication, or business growth. Or like me, they work with people in a specific role or field. And maybe they create a framework to help their specific group of people tackle typical problems they have. But that's mainly about the marketing, not about the coaching.

For me, even selling “improved communication” is way too vague. I have to sell “I’ll help you get buy-in and less resistance." Oh yes, yes, I struggle with that. Sign me up.

The challenge is that what people initially think they want and what ultimately helps them aren't always the same thing.

Someone might come for buy-in and resistance. And they might leave with more confidence, better relationships, clearer communication, or a different way of thinking about the situation altogether.

If I wanted to get specific and sell the outcomes I get with my clients, I’d never find any new clients because no one would really understand what I do. It would change week to week, and would look something like this:

I’ll help you get a promotion.

I’ll help you start a consulting business.

I’ll help you be more liked at work.

I’ll help you deal with Difficult Dan in Operations.

I’ll help you get more respect from the Clin Ops team.

I’ll help you feel more confident.

I’ll help you prepare a killer presentation.

I’ll help you be ready for pushback from Stubborn Sally.

I’ll help you give good feedback.

I’ll help you figure out how to motivate Lazy Larry.

I’ll help you improve your QMS awareness training.

I’ll help you respond to that email from Micromanaging Michael.

I’ll help you prepare for your interview.

I’ll help you think through who you’re going to hire for that new position.

I’ll help you ask for a raise.

I’ll help you prioritize.

I’ll help you think through your options before you decide on something.

I’ll help you deal with overwhelm and pressure.

… except the list would be 100s of items long because it’s different for every person.

The thing that brings someone to coaching is usually a situation: A difficult employee. A promotion. A presentation. A conflict. A decision. A feeling of overwhelm.

Those things are real, and they're important. But coaching is rarely just about the situation. It's about the person experiencing it.

Their thinking. Their assumptions. Their habits. Their relationships. Their choices.

That's why two people can bring exactly the same problem to coaching and leave with completely different insights.

• What's stopping you from making a decision on that thing you've been carrying around for weeks?

• What has to happen for you to finally have that conversation you know you need to have, but have been putting off?

• What will help you better understand this situation?

• How are your current actions serving you?

• What must be different for you to get what you want?

The coach isn't there to answer these questions. The coach is there to ask them, so that the client can understand what's going on.

My list above sure makes it sound like I’m doing a lot of “helping” though, doesn’t it? But the help looks more like holding space. It looks more like asking questions. It looks more like helping people hear themselves. 

It's basically one person thinking, the other person keeping them company. Truly, I’ve never found a simpler description. 

When the average person, who has never experienced coaching, hears that, they might think:

“Wait… so I’m going to pay you… and you’re just going to “be there”?”

Yeah. Sort of.

But I’m trained to be there. I know how to be there. I know what being there makes possible for you.

Think about this — How often do you have someone’s full, undivided attention? Honestly… how often? Right?

And not only do you get undivided attention, but you’ll get a nice little reflection of yourself … you’ll see things you didn’t see before. You'll hear yourself think out loud. You'll come face to face with your stories. It's amazing what we miss when we don't allow ourselves to slow down enough to notice.

So, you’ll get insights.

And then you’ll see possibilities. 

Sometimes the thing that felt tangled starts to untangle.

Sometimes the thing you've been avoiding becomes manageable.

Sometimes you realize you've been asking the wrong question entirely.

And sometimes nothing dramatic happens at all. You just leave with a little more clarity than you arrived with.

Which turns out to be more than enough.

And that, to me, is the essence of coaching.

So, people come to me because they want better communication or they want to influence more effectively or they want better executive presence or they want to improve their leadership. Real challenges and goals. All good.

But the conversation ends up becoming less about the problem itself and more about how they're thinking about it, responding to it, and showing up within it.

So, the thing you come for — which is the visible problem — changes because the invisible thinking changes.

The problem matters. Because it tells us where to look.

But you stop being trapped inside it.

And honestly, coaching isn’t much to look at. It’s a lot less exciting than people imagine.

It’s a conversation. A question. A challenge. Some silence. A new perspective. A decision. An experiment. A reflection. Then repeat.

That’s it.

There’s no magic.

There are two people showing up fully, where one person is thinking, and the other person is listening. The purpose of the listening is to help the thinker understand more about their own situation. That’s it.

And why is it such an incredibly successful way of creating growth and change? Because:

• Coaching creates space.

• Space creates insight.

• Insight creates choices.

• Choices create change.

The change doesn't come from the coach telling you what to do. Or having all the answers. The change comes from your thinking.

It’s about thinking and listening and awareness.

And belief in the possibility of change.