What all Quality Leaders (who come to coaching) have in common

Could be a conversation that went sideways. Could be a moment where they had something to say, but held back. Could be the feeling that they’re heading toward burnout. Could be a bad review. Could be being passed over. Again. Or they’re starting a new job and want to get off on the right foot. Or, simply, they’re sick to death of dreading Monday mornings. 

There’s always a moment. Something big, or small things accumulating… and someone gets curious enough to meet with me to see if coaching is something that makes sense for them.

Regardless of what brings people to me in the first place, there are definite trends in what comes up in coaching them.

1. "I feel like I repeat myself constantly."

Big one. It really is enough to drive you mad. 

When people nod, insist they have no questions, and say “yeap, got it,” it’s easy to believe that people actually got it.

But no.

Actions are actually what show if they got it. And very often the actions (or rather, inactions) show they didn’t. 

It’s all very Groundhog Day-ish. Same conversations. Same reminders. Same follow-up.

Same frustrations.

2. "Nobody listens until there's a crisis."

This one is somewhat related, but even more insidious because it traps them in the kind of work that ends up limiting their visibility and career. 

They’re pretty much ignored until something goes wrong. Then suddenly everything is urgent, everything is an emergency, and they're expected to drop everything and fix it.

The thing that goes wrong is typically the thing they said would go wrong. 

The thing where everyone said “Don’t worry,” or “We’ll just do it this one time,” or “But, we’ve always done it this way. Relax.”

And then they end up fixing the thing themselves because they know ultimately it will be their head on the chopping block. They know they’ll be blamed. They feel they have no choice.

This is the firefighting part of the job that they didn’t realize they were signing up for, and now they’re trapped in the fire and are having trouble seeing a way out. 

3. "I overthink. A lot. All the time."

Maybe this should be #1. This is basically all of my clients. All of the time.

I've joked that I should rename my business Perfectionist Overthinkers R Us 

Endless rehearsals in their heads of upcoming conversations. Even more endless replays afterward. 

What they should have said or done. What they wish they hadn’t said or done. How they could have handled it better. Trying to decide how to handle certain situations that exist only in their imagination right now. How to deal with a certain difficult person. Overthinking in the car. Overthinking at 2 am. Overthinking three days after the meeting. Overthinking in the shower. Overthinking during their kid’s soccer practice.

It’s small consolation when I suggest that this means they care deeply. 

They’re exhausted by all of this overthinking - it affects their energy, their confidence, their ability to be present, and eventually their credibility and career. 

And they want it to stop.

4. "I'm exhausted from carrying everything."

You can see how these things are all related, right?

They’re the go-to person. The explainer. The fixer. The rescuer. The safety net. The save-the-day-er.

The cop. The firefighter. And the help desk.

And they’re feeling it. They’re starting to realize that all of this over-functioning has a career cost. 

It’s sneaky because initially, it feels good. They’re the expert. They’re needed. They feel valuable and smart. But that eventually becomes all they are. 

I can’t tell you the number of clients who are desperately trying to carve out some time for actual thinking. Doing strategic work. Being proactive in their work instead of being swallowed whole by the reactive bit. 

It’s a catch-22. They need to find time for proactive work so they can get out of react-mode, but because they can’t get out of react-mode, they can’t find the time for more strategic work.

They know very well that it’s the strategic work that’s going to elevate their careers, and they feel trapped in organizational chaos management. They’re worried.

5. "I need more executive presence."

And usually, when this surfaces, they are hard-pressed to explain what they even mean when they say it. 

We figure that out. And then make it happen.

6. "I've lost confidence in myself."

This one is brutal. It builds slowly and is often hiding underneath everything else.

A difficult boss. An off-hand comment. A toxic environment. Being ignored so many times that they stop trusting their own judgment. They stop speaking up. 

It’s time for them to reconnect with who they used to be. The capable person is definitely still there, but they’ve just been worn down and torn down so often that they need some support in building themselves back up.

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So, they often arrive because of a specific moment; some tr1gger of some kind. And before we know it, we’re working on the bigger things that impact all the work. 

And although different moments bring them to me, and they all have very personal goals for their coaching, there’s one thing they have in common.

It’s the thing that makes coaching possible. And without it, there’s no sense in their hiring me because I won’t be able to help them.

They are open to looking honestly at themselves.

They’re willing to wake up, pay attention to their patterns, their habits, the old stories that have been kicking around for so long they feel like facts. And they’re willing to ask, “What if I tried this?” “What if I did this differently?”

It takes courage and vulnerability. This isn’t an easy thing.

It's easy to blame the culture, the leadership, the team. And yeap, often the culture, the leadership, and the team ARE to blame.

But they understand there’s a big difference between blame and responsibility. It might not be their fault that things are as they are. But it certainly is their responsibility to do something about it, if they’re not happy with how things are. They get that.

The people who come to coaching are the people who understand that if they want something to change, they have to change.

My job is to provide a safe, supportive, non-judge-y space to do that.

I have no agenda. I carry no judgment. I think all of my clients are brilliant and capable, and

I feel honoured to be trusted to help sort themselves out. 

I’m there to hold the space, ask the questions, and use the tricks of the coaching trade to support them in their growth, as they work on becoming who they want to be.

It’s a privilege. And it’s life-changing. For me and for them.

Here's how you can work with me.