How to Become a Better Leader (When You Don’t Know What to Improve)

We all want to become better leaders.

Sometimes it’s because we want a promotion and are sick and tired of being passed over.

Sometimes it’s because we’re struggling to influence people, and every day we face resistance.

Sometimes we’re just tired of feeling like we’re way more capable than we seem to be showing. 

We know we’re ready for the next level, but somehow we keep being overlooked. When we ask for feedback, it’s often vague and doesn’t leave us any clearer on what we have to do or what we have to change to be seen as “ready”.

“You’re not ready yet”

“You need more executive presence” “Work on your leadership skills”

“Communicate with more authority”

How is any of this helpful?

We get this vague advice. Maybe we get sent to a leadership course. But it’s all theory, and it doesn’t tell us anything we don’t already know. Theory gives us knowledge. But knowledge alone rarely creates change.

So, we spend what little spare time we have on YouTube or Google or even hanging out with ChatGPT or Claude, faithfully typing endless variations of “How do I become a better leader?” into the search bar.

Leadership development feels overwhelming because there are so many different skills people tell us we need to master:

• Communicate better

• Delegate

• Listen

• Inspire

• Build trust

• Be strategic

Great. But how? And where do I start?

Information and advice aren’t lacking. God knows that’s not the problem.

Becoming a Better Leader is Too Vague

“Better leader” isn’t a skill; it’s an outcome. 

But the good news is that leadership isn't something you're born with. It's something you develop. The challenge isn't whether you can improve. It's figuring out what you should improve first.

And since we’re not all starting from the same place, with the same knowledge and the same experience and the same personality and the same relationships, you’re not going to find the answer in a book or a webinar or a leadership course.

Different people need different things:

• One person needs confidence.

• Another needs listening. 

• Someone else needs boundaries.

• Or clearer thinking.

• You might need executive presence.

• Better decision-making.

• More influence.

• More confidence speaking up.

• Better relationships.

• Managing conflict.

• Giving feedback.

• and on and on…

Most Leadership Advice Starts Too Late

Search for leadership skills or leadership tips, and you’ll find thousands of articles, books, podcasts, TikTok thingies, and courses promising to make you a better leader. 

But most of this help assumes you’ve figured out what’s wrong. Then they tell you how to solve it:

• Six ways to structure your arguments

• Top tips for thinking on your feet

• How to battle impostor syndrome for once and for all

• Use these phrases to increase your trust and credibility

None of this does us much good if we’re still trying to figure out what the problem is, does it? That's like taking medicine before you've figured out a diagnosis. You might get lucky, but you also might be targeting the wrong thing.

In fact, working hard on fixing something without figuring out first what needs to be fixed just makes us feel crummy. Like, “There’s so much info out here; there’s no way I should still be struggling with this. What’s wrong with me?”

Your Biggest Limitation May Not Be the One You Think It Is

Maybe you rush off reading all you can about confidence. But if you spent more time thinking about what’s going on, you’d realize this was a preparation issue. That’s a way easier fix.

Maybe you’ve been convinced that you need better communication skills. But actually, your thinking isn’t clear yet. Hmmm.

Maybe you think you need more executive presence. But what if the real issue is that you’re walking into important meetings underprepared?

Maybe you think you need to become more strategic. But what you really need is time and space to think.

Maybe you think you need better time management. But maybe it’s about prioritization. Or procrastination. Or saying no.

Maybe you’re looking for tricks to influence without authority. But what you really need is better listening skills.

You see? 

We’re chasing answers to symptoms most of the time because we don’t slow things down enough to discover the problem underneath them.

Before You Build Skills, Build Awareness

It feels so hard to slow down these days. There are always fires to fight, deadlines to meet, meetings to attend, reports to write, and audits to prepare for. We’re trying to fit all of this “personal development” in the gaps. But far too often, we go off half-cocked, racing around trying to “be better” and end up wasting even more time. And beating ourselves up about it, while we're at it.

Reminds me of something my mum always used to say, “Less haste, more speed”. This meant, “Slow down, kiddo. Think it through; you’ll end up saving yourself time in the end.”

We need to slow down.

We need to approach our symptoms with curiosity. We need to reflect more. Look for patterns. Ask ourselves questions and see if we can get a sideways glimpse at some of our blind spots. We need to pick up a pen and reflect. Journal. Think. Or whatever you want to call it. There’s something about slowing your thinking down with pen and paper that helps you notice things you might otherwise miss.

That’s where the right questions might be hiding.

But we keep skipping this part. The awareness part; the diagnosis part. Which is a problem, since that’s the starting point.

Diagnosis comes before treatment; awareness comes before action.

If your goal is genuine leadership development and becoming a better leader over the long term, isn’t the obvious first question, “What actually needs improving?”

This is how we take our leadership development efforts from frustrating to focused.

If you’re not sure what actually deserves your attention, I created something to help.

If you're not sure what actually deserves your attention, I created something to help.

Lead From Where You Are includes 10 questions to help you lead more intentionally. It's designed to help you stop guessing and start identifying the leadership habits, thinking patterns, and blind spots that will make the biggest difference for you.

Get your copy here.